mhmm

When is it going to stop? When am I going to stop trying already? When am i going to get tired? Sometimes i wonder if my heart is made of iron because it has taken a lot. I’ve sat there and watched you with other girls, i’ve watched you pass right by me like nothing. And in the back of my head i also i had a hope that you were going to be so spontaneous and different this time around. Once again though i’m at square one. I’ve texted and called you drunk and high every night without even a reply back. I think about that shit and it really just turns me off, but i guess not enough. I realized that you’re a different person. You aren’t that one person i once knew who was attentive and caring. I promise you though you have 15 days left. 15 days left to decide something, anything. Maybe even to realize something you have been ignoring. Please though don’t judge me for what i do when i’m high or drunk because even though i might say or act how i wish i could when i’m sober, its not how i want to be looked at. 

I wish you were different. I wish you could just do something. Here we are though 2 weeks later in the same spot we always are at. This weekend really showed me your true colors. 

thank you :*

fuckyeahadamlevine13:

Payphone 💙

Starting out.. I can’t believe this weekend really happened. I can’t believe one of the biggest things that i have been waiting for happened. Before i knew it i was in wildwood. I have to say wildwood taught me so many things not only about others but about myself. Even though it had its downs it also had its ups. Those great moments where i use to sit back and think “wow this is what life is.” 

I had no idea that it was going to be the way it was. I got there and went straight to smoking and drinking. We would do that every night until 4, 5 am. We would wake up and smoke and then play beer pong. Go to the beach high and drunk and then hang out on the boardwalk. When we came back at around 10 pm we would start getting ready and our night began. I wasn’t sober for one second. At points it was good and other points it was bad. My emotions of course were all over the place. 

I learned that sometimes you can’t expect anything from people. Even if it’s the smallest thing ever. People will always no matter who they are or what they mean to you, disappoint you. I learned that I can survive on my very own self. I also learned that throwing a bunch of teenagers in  a house or motel room without parental supervision can turn into a pigsty. Most importantly however, i realized that the “family” we use to have as friends isnt there anymore. This trip in my eyes was a chance to give it a try for the last time. A chance to try to act like that family again we once were. However, it wasn’t there anymore. We will never be what we once were and that at the end of the day kinda of hurt. 

Besides the lessons, even if some of them hurt to learn, i have to say i had a great time. It was unexplainable, i don’t even think this writing could even explain it to the fullest.  

And the fact that i got to stay another night, was great. The last night i had wasn’t all that great but staying just gave me the opportunity to give it another try. 

Even though i was dying to come back home, i got a little sad when i saw myself leaving. I’ll be back next year though and i will be a hundred times better because we know what to do and what not to do. 

Last stop; graduation.